i couldn't do it. i'm a failure. this is the first time that i've actually felt like a true failure.. even more so when i failed math (because i knew i was going to.) i'm just so nervous with the driving instructor's eyes on me at all times.. it's so nerve wracking.

so i'm going for a simulated road test on the 31st. i (well, my mom) get to fork over 40 bucks for extra lessons.. this just totally sucks.

i cried again. now i have a headache that i've had since 4pm.. i don't know how much more i can take. i just want to get on the road. even if i am bad.

you know that ataris song - "in this diary"? being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up - these are the best days of our lives.. i sure hope not. life has to get better than this. i've had seventeen years of heartache, hurt and bitterness.. yeah taylor's helped me out a bit.. but i'm not with him physically yet. things have to get better than this.

they just have to.